“Isn’t Everyone A Little Autistic?”: Why This Phrase Misses the Point
As a psychologist who works with late-diagnosed autistic adults, and as a mum whose child is neurodivergent, I've heard this phrase countless times. It's something many of my clients hear too – sometimes said with kindness, sometimes as a casual remark to explain quirks or preferences. At first glance, it might sound harmless, maybe even reassuring. After all, many people can relate to wanting routine, feeling anxious about change, disliking loud noises, or feeling awkward in social situations. But while the intention might be to normalise or connect, this phrase actually minimises what it truly means to be autistic.
The Problem with "Everyone's a Little Autistic"
Yes, it's true – many people experience traits commonly associated with autism. Some people are particularly sensitive to strong smells, have clear preferences for routines, or find social situations challenging. However, experiencing a few of these traits doesn't mean someone is autistic.
When people say, "isn't everyone a little autistic?", I often wonder who this phrase is really for. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe it's mostly well-intentioned. But I'm curious about the underlying purpose:
Is it meant to reduce stigma? ("See, you're not so different")
Is it an attempt to connect with someone who's disclosed an autism diagnosis?
Is it to make the speaker feel more comfortable with the disclosure?
This phrase reveals several common misconceptions: that autism is something you can develop over time; that it's currently a 'trend' to seek an autism diagnosis; and that the autism spectrum means everyone sits somewhere on a line from 'not autistic' to 'very autistic'. These misconceptions are understandable given our evolving understanding of autism since it was first recognised in 1943. However, here's what we know now:
(1) Autism is more than a collection of relatable traits
Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference that a person is born with, leading to unique challenges and strengths that shape how they experience the world. People diagnosed with autism don't just have one or two quirky traits. Rather, they have a constellation of characteristics that tell a bigger story and have been present across their lifespan.
(2) The spectrum is not linear
The autism spectrum isn't a straight line from ‘a little autistic’ to ‘very autistic’. It's better understood as a circle or colour wheel, where different traits (such as social communication, sensory processing, and emotional expression) vary in intensity. Each autistic person has their own unique profile across these areas. A person either meets the diagnostic criteria for autism or they don't (ergo – you can't be ‘a little bit autistic’!).
Why This Phrase Isn't Helpful
It minimises lived experience: Saying "isn't everyone a bit autistic?" suggests that autism is just about quirky habits, rather than a neurodevelopmental difference with real impacts. It dismisses the genuine challenges autistic individuals face daily. People may assume the person doesn't need support because they appear articulate or capable on the surface. This is especially harmful for people who mask their differences or internalise their struggles, as it invalidates the invisible effort they put into coping and the cost of doing so over time.
It blocks understanding: If everyone is "a little autistic", the term loses meaning. It invalidates the specific challenges of masking, burnout, and navigating a world not designed for neurodivergent brains. It also shuts down conversations. Rather than inviting curiosity, it silences autistic voices and sends an implicit message that their struggles aren't significant.
What to Say When Someone Shares an Autism Diagnosis
When someone discloses their autism diagnosis (or their child's diagnosis) it's usually a moment of vulnerability and trust. They may be seeking understanding, support, or simply the space to be heard. A response like "isn’t everyone a bit autistic" can unintentionally dismiss the significance of what they've shared.
Other responses that can be hurtful, despite being well-meaning, include:
"You don't look autistic" (autism has no 'look')
"But you're so good at [X]" (autistic people have strengths too)
"Have you tried [cure/diet]?" (autism isn't something that needs to fixed)
"Are you sure?" (this questions their self-knowledge and the assessment process)
Instead, try responses like:
"Thank you for trusting me with that"
"I appreciate you sharing this with me. How are you feeling about it?"
"Is there a way I can support you (or your child)?"
"I'd love to understand more about your experience, if you're open to sharing"
These responses acknowledge the importance of their disclosure and keep the focus on the person’s lived experience.
Final Thoughts: Your Response Matters
When someone shares their autism diagnosis, how you respond to them matters. Autism is not a quirky personality style that’s trending. It's a meaningful identity and neurotype that shapes how the individual experiences the world. For many people, an autism diagnosis brings relief, clarity, and a sense of belonging. But it can also follow feel heavy after years of struggle, masking, and feeling misunderstood. The challenges for autistic folk are real: sensory overwhelm, social exhaustion or isolation, difficulties with executive functioning, and navigating a world not built for autistic brains.
So when someone opens up to you about their diagnosis, respond with openness, listen to, and validate, their experience. And remember that your words have the power to either affirm or diminish something deeply personal.
** If you’ve ever wondered whether your challenges are more than social anxiety or quirks, we provide neurodiversity-affirming adult autism and ADHD assessments in St Kilda and via telehealth across Australia **